The lines in my Face(book) keep getting clearer

I’ll just warn you up front, this is going to be a long navel-gazing post, and if you weren’t affected by the situation, you probably won’t be interested in this story.  Of course, you may be interested in how small a world it can by and how people are connected.  Facebook really brings that last point out.  But to tell my tale, I have to supply some background and that starts with who I was in high school, a bit over 30 years ago.

BTW, I changed all of the names in this story. I think that those involved will recognize their character.

I was a little kid in the 9th grade.  Little as in small.  My late blooming caused my time in junior high to be a living hell.  I had started liking girls, but with one or two exceptions they had not started liking me.  My athletic record was pedestrian at best.  I didn’t take getting picked on very well.  I was an average kid in a lot of ways and a geeky looser in others.  I thought a lot more of myself than that and really didn’t understand why everyone else didn’t see it, too.  It put a bit of a chip on my shoulder and sure didn’t give me any training for handling success.

So I arrive in high school and things start going better almost immediately. I had grown a good bit over the summer.  I made a ton of new friends when classes began.  Before long I had a car and had been on a few dates.  I really started enjoying the social scene.

In the spring, I switched out of running distance races in track and tried a sport that had fascinated me for as long as I could remember, pole vaulting.  Turns out I was really good at it.  It was at Big G High School when I really took off (pun intended) increasing my best height by 2 feet and taking 2nd place in the meet. I became the best new pole vaulter in the county that year.  I followed up that success with a run for the junior class council.  I not only won, but was voted class president.  I was flying higher than any time in my life.  Needless to say, I wasn’t ready for it and messed up a few things in the following year.

I had started dating a girl, we’ll call her Allison, which I had known from church since I was 4.  She was and is a wonderful person and I was really lucky that she liked me in return.  We dated through the summer in into our junior year, she at Big G H.S. and me at the Big I.  My status change got the best of me that year.  As I got the opportunity to start seeing other girls, I did, but I didn’t tell Allison.  Just before Christmas I met Jenny at school.  She was nice and young and cute.  The two girls went to different schools and had no way of meeting, so what’s the risk.  Right?

That went just fine for a while, so well, in fact, that when I got the opportunity, I started dating a third girl, Lynn.  There was nothing wrong with the first two girls’ looks, but I think everyone would agree that Lynn was stunning (probably still is).  She was tall and thin with long blond hair and delicate features made her one of the most beautiful girls I’d ever known.  The fact that she AND Jenny both went to the same school was a risk that I decided to take.  I can’t say what I was thinking because I just wasn’t.

There was nothing more serious with any of these relationships than first base with maybe an occasional attempt to steal second, so I wasn’t doing anything physically dangerous, just really callous, selfish, and downright stupid.  Those were fun times, but it didn’t take long before the stress and the lies turned the whole situation sour.  I ended up breaking up with all three shortly thereafter.  In one particularly callous move, I told Lynn when we arrived at school one morning and left her crying in the car with a request to “lock it up when you are through.”  Jerk just doesn’t go far enough to describe me that day.  My breakup with Jenny wasn’t any better.  I think I just stopped calling Allison.

That was a really long setup about things that happened a long time ago.  Now fast forward to 2009 and the rise of Facebook.  It' has been great fun connecting with a lot of folks that I haven’t seen or heard from since high school.  I reconnected with Jenny and her sister Linda almost right away.  It was a while after that, but I eventually reconnected with Allison.  Until this past week, I’d not been able to track Lynn down, but I found her husband and he’s been kind enough to pass my connection info along to her.  I’ve yet to hear from her and won’t pursue it any further.  Of course, given the story so far I wouldn’t blame her for not writing.

That brings us to the Facebook lines where I started.  As soon as I friended Allison, I got a real surprise.  It said that we had 2 friends in common even though I had not friended anyone that I thought Allison would know.  One of those friends was Linda, Jenny’s sister.  I just had to find out how this connection was made.  It turns out that Allison and Linda shared a suite in college.  What are the odds?  I came clean with this story to both sides and we all had a good laugh, including Jenny.

I thought that would be the end of it.  However, this past week I was looking around the internet to see if I could find Lynn.  I’ll poke around for folks I used to know.  I probably thought of her for some random reason, a song maybe.  I knew her married name and the town she lived in a while back, but still couldn’t get a lead on her whereabouts.  So I tried finding her husband and found Tom on Facebook.  That’s when I got a real shock.  It said that we had a mutual friend, and that friend was Allison.  That was too weird and something that I’ve not had the chance to share with anyone.   It turns out that Allison and Tom were friends and classmates at Big G High School (recurring theme).  Unbelievable!  It is a small world after all (couldn’t resist).

I have always been disappointed in myself for that whole situation in high school.  I would say that Allison, Jenny, and Lynn, and I ended up with pretty good lives since those days.  Our paths crossing and my mistakes were part of that path and I wouldn’t change my destination for anything, so I would never say that I wish it hadn’t happened.  I hope they all feel the same.  To say that I’m sorry it happened is a bit of a contradiction, but I am. 

It is funny and weird that Allison would end up connected to Jenny (once removed) and now Lynn (also once removed).  and Jenny and Lynn went to school together, so they probably remember each other at least a little.  It took Facebook to reveal it.  Turns out everybody knows everybody.  Well, almost.

Side Boob

I’ve noticed that posting a picture of a hot lady showing ample side boob increased the viewership of my podcast site.  Case in point: http://gtpodcast.com.  I’ve also noticed that mentioning such posts also increases traffic.  This may become a regular feature.

Grill Cheese Tilt

I have one fun story left over from my last trip to Las Vegas.  It happened in the Venetian poker room on my last full day in town.  I started playing around 3:30.  At the table next to mine was a blabber-mouth with a voice that carried great over the clack and murmur of poker chips and conversations.  Everyone for three tables in all directions could hear everything this guy said.

I remember him going on for at least ten minutes about one of his fellow players being Canadian.  He yapped about someone he once met from Canada and how it gets cold there sometimes.  Yap, yap, yap, eh.

Luckily for my ear and bankroll (my stack was shrinking) I had to go over to the sports book to meet CK and F Train.  They didn’t arrive right away, but I was ready for a break so I stayed in the sports book.  Once CK arrived we chatted while we waited for F Train.  In all I was away from the tables for for about an hour and a half.

When we get back to the poker room, I got seated immediately at the same table that I had left.  This time I was facing in the direction of the loud mouth.  It was no surprise that he was still running he mouth, but now his tone was different.  He was angry and frustrated.  It had something to do with a grilled cheese sandwich.  He was calling the floor to ask how long it should take to get a sandwich.  He wanted to know where the server who took the order had gone.  He wanted the name of the cook.  Basically, he wanted someone’s head on a platter. And a grilled cheese sandwich.

This went one of at least 15 more minutes.  I could tell my entire table (who had been listening to this guy for over 2 hours were pretty humored by his frustration.  I started making some cracks about the situation.  I told my neighbor “I want to order a grilled cheese just to see if I can get mine before he gets his”, and “If I had a grilled cheese right now I would stand up and exclaim aloud that this was the best grilled cheese that I’ve ever eaten.”  The whole table was into the act before long.

About this time I look over to the table with the loud mouth and noticed that he was in a big hand with his opponent all in and two-thirds of the loud mouth’s stack involved.  Loud mouth was behind and did not catch up.  Unbelievably, that shut him up.  He silently grabbed a rack, loaded up his chips and faded away.  Thus ended the first known instance of grilled cheese tilt.  And the whole poker room quietly rejoiced.

The monkey tells it better

I admit, this is just down-right stupid.  I just can’t help myself.

No monkeys were injured in the posting of this clip.  More stories of Poker and/or Iraq in the works.

Vegas Poker May 2009

If I were superstitious, I might find an outside factor to blame on my reversal of fortune, but being superstitious is bad luck, so I won’t go there.  I got really bad cards for the last two and a half days and made a few bad calls along the way, so I could blame myself and the normal variance in poker.

Naaaa.  I think this about sums it up:

This is actual data.  I made a quick chip count every time I hit the button.  I then multiplied the number of entries by 7.8 to get the hand estimate.  You can see where I got felted 4 times in about 4 days and won the very last hand before heading to the airport Monday morning (QQ) holds up.

I also tracked the number AA KK and QQ hands I was dealt.  I saw AA 5 times, KK 7 times, and saw QQ 5 times.  Statistically, I should have seen each about 3.75 times, so no complaints there.  I would have done better had I not seen them at all.

One of the oddest things to happen involved an all-in by a player that was not a full re-raise.  Say Player 1 checks, Player 2 then bets 2 BB, and Player 2 (short stack) calls.  Player 1 then raises to 6 BB.  Player 2 calls and Player 3 goes all in for say 9 BB the first bet.  Player 1 then asks if the betting is now reopened and is told no.  Player 2 is now allowed to go all in for 13 BB.  It happened at the Venetian when I was Player 1.  I still haven’t figured that one out.  I called and split the pot with Player 3 so I’m not unhappy.

Other Interesting tidbits":

• Mandalay Bay has some really odd rules like no chopping and sign-up for comp time is done on a paper card at the desk.
• Excalibur has Strip Poker on Saturday nights.  A stripper actually gyrates on a soap box in the poker room.  She does wear a small bikini.
• Excalibur also has PokerPro automated poker tables.  I’m not a fan.  I spent too much time trying to get my cards to show distracting me from the game.  I guess that would go away with time, but I don’t plan to spend it.
• Binion’s in Downtown Vegas has had a makeover.  The poker room has moved and is very nice.  a new sports bar/restaurant sits in the middle of the casino level.  I enjoyed my dinner there.
• The Center City development looks incredible.  Sorry, I didn’t get a pictures.  You’ll either have to trust me or go see for yourself.
• The min-raise for a utg straddle in a 1-2 NLH game is up to the house.  I asked in several different places and got both $6 and $8 as answers.
• Naked women (or nearly so) walk around in the Shops at the Venetian.  They look more silly than sexy.
• PokerTek, maker of the automated PokerPro tables is based near Charlotte, NC where poker is very illegal.  Go figure.
• Harrah’s proved to be a fine place to stay on the strip.  Location, facilities and price were all good.
• The Venetian was in the process of literally booting up its new player tracking system as I was leaving Monday morning.  It was probably in use by noon.  Players will now be clocked in and out at the table instead of at the desk.

Despite my poor play, it was a good trip and has me looking forward to the next one, probably in October.

Video Joke

My buddy TripJax did a very bad thing this morning without realizing it. He showed me xtra normal, the Text-to-Movie site. Of course I had to make something and once made, it has to be shared on my blog. And once on the blog, it absolutely must be linked on my Facebook page. So here is my first extra normal movie. It is a new take on a old, bad, and slightly off-color joke. I apologize in advance.

Microsoft Songsmith gone bad

We have a winner in the category of the most bazaar use of music software.  Songsmith is a program from Microsoft Research.  You sing to the program and it creates accompaniment for what you sing.  Some folks have played some well known recording into the computer to get new music for old lyrics with hilarious results.

I heard this while listening to a podcast in the Charlotte airport.  I cupped my mouth with my hand and my eyes started to water until I could no longer contain myself and had to turn the Ipod off. It will be the funniest thing you hear today.  Real music fans will probably barf.

So without further delay, I bring to you the Police and "Roxanne" accompanied by Microsoft Songsmith:

The Situation in Review

Let's review the current situation:

- Oil and Gas prices are dropping rapidly

- The surge in Iraq worked.

- Home foreclosures have leveled off or are dropping slightly

- Google is doing evil (dropping page ratings for bloggers whos links don't play by Google's rules)

- Apple is forcing their software onto Windows machines (first Safari and now MobileMe)

- Microsoft is showing signs of embracing Open Source

- The economy grew in the second quarter so there will be no recession during the current Bush administration.

Whatever will people bitch about now?

Final Words

"Tell the governor he just lost my vote."

- Christopher Scott Emmett just before he was executed by the state of Virginia (7/24/08).

Yea, Who is April?

Tony Plutonium have never agreed on much, but I have to agree here.  Check out this You Tube clip.  It is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time.  Thanks for sharing, Tony.

Iraq - Day 9 Saddam's Revenge

Same disclaimer as yesterday.  Do not read while eating or operating heavy equipment.

Americans in any foreign country have to worry about food and water borne illness.  In Mexico they have Motezuma's Revenge.  In Iraq, the bane of the visitor is Saddam's Revenge.  The source of the condition, like the Nile, is shrouded in mystery, but the effects are unmistakable.

It starts with a rumbling in the gut that could easily feel like the initial gestation of an Alien.  That is the alarm that tells the victim that he (or she) has approximately 2 minutes before all hell breaks loose. 

Hell, in this case is no exaggeration.  Neither is breaking loose.  Phase two is aptly named, as your body attempt to expel all foreign (and some domestic) matter from the body.  Like rain that falls in the mountains, matter in said body discovers on which side of the great divide it currently rests and rushes to the nearest exit. 

Ice can turn to liquid under the right circumstances and apparently so can food.  This liquid forces itself from the body with great force to the amazement of the host.  Early man (pre-Iraq invasion) thought that excretions from the body could only happen en mass from one orifice at a time.  Modern man knows differently.  This is where the vision box urinal comes into play.  Since both ends are now in play at the same time, it is a fortunate coincidence that the urinal thingy in modern porta-john is located at the perfect height and distance for simultaneous use with it's larger cousin.

So far as is known, Saddam's Revenge is 100% survivable.  The greatest danger occurs in the rare instance where Saddam's Revenge is combined with loss of dry butt seal.  The danger is obvious.  I'll have to leave the result of the 360 degree dual projectile spewage to your own gruesome imaginations.

I'll be back with more pleasant thoughts tomorrow.

Iraq - Day 8 Dry Monkey Butt Seals

This is going to get a little gross, but it is too good not to publish. Continue at your own risk (you've been warned).

One of the constants about Baghdad this time of year is the heat. The mornings start out at 85+ and the temperature shoots up from there. It is usually not so bad as just about every building is air conditioned. The one hot spot that must eventually be endured is the porta-jon. This plastic palace is also known as the vision box as heat and aroma will cause most to see visions on all but the shortest stays.

The heat in the box is bad, but the occupant is not the only thing getting cooked. The aroma can actually peal two layers of dead skin from your face before you even get comfortable. If you can go standing up, you've got a chance to avoid permanent damage. The little urinal box on the side is your best friend for those forty-five seconds.

The real dangers come when the seat must be employed. The though of spending more than a couple minutes in potty hell is bad enough. The unknown dangers can trip up all but the toughest marines.

The first danger involves losing your "dry butt seal". This is the seal your cheeks make with the seat when you first make contact. It may burn like an egg on a grille, but a good seal is absolutely necessary. As your business progresses, so does the heat. You may start to sweat on your face and down your torso. If the sweat reaches your seal and manages to get between you and the seat, you've lost your dry butt seal and all friction that was keeping you in a reasonable working position. One wrong move could project you out the door and half-way across the parking lot. Wet butt cheek on porta-potty plastic has lubrication properties that science is just now beginning to probe.

Should you manage to stay on the throne long enough to complete your mission, you will leave with a case of Monkey Butt like you've never known (never known Monkey Butt? Read on). As I've written before in this space, dust is everywhere in Baghdad. It is on your floor, in your clothes, and in your bed. Toilet seat are no exception. Placing your back side on a dusty surface and mix in the correct amount of moisture, then applying pressure will bind the resulting concoction to said parts like a prison tattoo. This is not a major problem most of the time. You pants will cover the damage. Trying to find a time in the showers when no one else is there is the real problem. A lot of soap and water is the only cure, but like other STDs that you can catch from the seat, you don't want to advertise what you've got.

Those have been the biggest dangers so far. Personally, I've been able to visit the toilets with the AC most of the time. I hope knowing the dangers will keep others safe. Don't be a victim!

Next time we will learn about Saddam's revenge and the other use for the vision box urinal thingy. Stay tuned.

Middle Child

I'm a middle child. I have an older brother and a younger brother. A recent study found that middle of three children tend to exibit the following characteristics:

Has neither rights of oldest nor privileges of youngest.
Feels life is unfair.
Feels unloved, left out, "squeezed."
Feels doesn't have place in family.
Becomes discouraged and "problem child"


Well all I can say about that is that is pretty damn close, but I've grown since then (as if anyone cared).

(Just Kidding) :)

Obamaha

TripJax has a brilliant post on a new game that is sweeping the liberal nation: Obamaha.  Go check out his post here: http://tripjax.blogspot.com/2008/04/obamaha.html

Did you notice that if you add a G to the the last name of the leading democratic presidential candidate, you get Go Bama!  How's that for a 'change'.

Now go read TripJax.